Today, June 15, on World Elder Abuse Awareness day, Ann Cavlovic writes about what she discovered researching for Count On Me (a novel about tensions between love and money in a family with aging parents), along with some practical tips for families.
Research for my novel began in the hallways of my parents’ nursing home, where I watched many intense family dramas explode right in front of me. How did family bonds turn so ugly? Did those siblings get along when they were younger? How common is elder abuse?
From there, my own experiences navigating the system of long-term care blended with research to shape the story.
I started in the typical places: journal articles, newspapers, elder care networks, StatsCan, and basic online searches. But desk research only gets you so far, and the internet is a rabbit hole. I prefer talking to humans. So, when I came across something interesting, I’d try to reach out to an expert. For example, I read an article in The Walrus about how hospital-induced delirium can be mistaken for dementia, leading to all kinds of trouble. But the expert quoted in the article subsequently wrote a letter to the editor criticizing how the journalist had handled the issue. I reached out to the expert directly, with assurances that I wasn’t aiming to throw physicians under the bus, and despite his busy schedule, he agreed to be interviewed. Not only did this help me understand the nuances and ensure that an important turning point in the novel was medically plausible, it also gave me fresh ideas to add to the story.
Informed conversations beat algorithms, of this I’m sure!
I went on to interview nurses, lawyers, family physicians, bankers, funeral home directors, and social workers. I also had informal chats with people willing to fact-check things like the setting, cultural references, workplace details, single-parenting, and more. Several people I interviewed went on to generously respond to non-infrequent barrages of weird questions via text (Dr. Anne Nancekievill was a superhero.) You’ll see many of their names in the acknowledgements, although some preferred to remain anonymous.
It's important to emphasize that with every person I contacted, I was transparent about being a writer with previous publications but with no guarantee that my novel would ever be published. Even still, my success rate at landing interviews or chats was at least 85%. I remain (pleasantly) floored by how many people are willing to offer their time to help a writer, even a relatively untested one, if you just ask nicely.
I also talked to everyone I could who had an aging family member in their care, along with many seniors living in care homes. What struck me was how many people wrestle with some aspect of elder care, yet feel like their situation is unusual. What’s more, many think elder abuse only happens in nursing homes or telephone scams, but it’s more often someone in or close to the family. 10% or more of seniors face some form of elder abuse, and most of that is financial.
Why do people feel so alone? Our culture absolutely sucks at talking about this phase of life. When I researched other novels dealing with elder abuse – let alone just the realities of aging – I was shocked at how few exist. And none of them dealt with abuse perpetrated by a family member. Instead, the “villain” was the butler (yes, literally, the butler did it), or the housekeeper, nurse, or “gold digger” girlfriend – all clichés. Movies were even worse; the Netflix film I Care a Lot featured a court-appointed guardian as the villain, mixing in mafia bribery, a few kidnappings, burning houses – all to make it, you know, relatable.
My research also helped me better interpret media about elder abuse, which often depict rather sensational stories of a nurse-turned-evil (Elizabeth Wettlaufer is a prime example). But “bad apples” are rare, and this unfairly casts a shadow on the legions of nurses – often racialized Canadians – who are doing incredibly demanding and important work with a level of care I know I couldn’t handle. The nurses at my parents’ nursing home were heroes (while their top bosses were a different story). There’s no way I’d perpetuate stereotypes about frontline workers in my writing.
The good news from all this research is that there’s a lot you can do to prevent elder abuse, if you are willing to look this stuff straight in the eye:
- It could be as simple as calling a lawyer (how about this week!) to create or update your will and powers of attorney
- Or maybe it’s researching local retirement homes or nursing homes well before it’s needed or urgent
- Simply taking the time to schedule a family meeting – everyone in the same room at the same time – could prevent misunderstandings that cause rifts that sometimes never heal
- Or how about talking with your bank manager, a trusted friend, or an organization like the Canadian Network for the Prevention of Elder Abuse about your situation. (My website includes some other links to resources)
Bottom line, try to keep the money in a cage, to let love walk around freely.
And if you can, wear purple to mark World Elder Abuse Awareness Day on Monday June 15.
Ann Cavlovic’s fiction and creative non-fiction have appeared in Canadian literary magazines and news media such as Event, The Fiddlehead, Grain, PRISM international, Room, The Globe & Mail, and CBC. She lives in Western Quebec. www.anncavlovic.com